


cinnamon roll

by orphan_account



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Cancer, Chronic Illness, Happy Ending, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he greets the doctor before sitting down, the cold air coming from the air conditioner makes him shiver. he heard the doctor sighed, looking at him with sympathy and just by that look he decides he really doesn't want to hear what's going to come out of the doctor's mouth.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	cinnamon roll

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically a 3k word vomit and was inspired by a ff i read on ao3 but i forgot the name. this was also written at 3 in the morning so please excuse the mistakes. also, english isn't my first nor second language and there are sentences where it makes sense in my mother tongue but it turn out kind of weird in english so i tried my best.

sangyeon leans back into the cold steel chair, tapping his feet on the linoleum floor, hands fidgeting on his lap. he looks up when he heard the door slide open and a nurse was directing him to go in. he stood up, wiping his sweaty hand on his jeans, heart beating fast as if it was going to jump out of his chest.

he greets the doctor before sitting down, the cold air coming from the air conditioner makes him shiver. he heard the doctor sighed, looking at him with sympathy and just by that look he decides he really doesn't want to hear what's going to come out of the doctor's mouth. "unfortunately, you have brain cancer."

as soon as he heard the word 'cancer', his brain just shutdown and his ears just automatically tuned out what the doctor was saying. he couldn't believe his ears, what was supposed to be a simple fever with a side of migraine and throwing up that would be gone after taking medicine is now a life-threatening illness he thought he would never have. 

"sangyeon-ssi?" the doctor tap his shoulder a few times and that's when he pulls himself out of his thoughts, looking at the doctor that was looking at him with concern. he nods, indicating that he was listening. "it's an astrocytoma and it's grade 2. luckily, we can completely remove the tumor by surgery since it's not near any sensitive brain tissue."

all he could hear after that was 'chemotherapy', 'week', 'surgery' and something related to those and he was dismissed, dragging his feet out of the doctor's office. he saw his manager sitting in front of the room, phone in his hand. his manager stood up after seeing him. by looking at his pale face and terrified expression, his manager guide him out of the hospital, putting on his mask and hat as they go. when he's in the van is when the manager asked him.

"what did the doctor said?" his manager looks at him from the rear-view mirror. "i have brain cancer." he whispers, the words could barely be heard in the otherwise silent van, the only noise filling the van was the air conditioner wind and the buzzing of the tire against the road but he knows the manager heard him as he could hear a tiny gasp coming from him. his manager just stayed silent though, and he appreciates the rather wordless respond.

||

they headed towards the company. the van parked at the designated lot and both him and his manager went out of it, going towards the elevator and heading to the 4th floor but instead of joining the others for dance practice like he would usually do, sangyeon found himself being steered towards the ceo's office. he was sat down in front of the ceo and asked to explain what he heard in the doctor's office.

the ceo just nods as he explained and he just wants someone to slap him or pinch him, telling him that this was all just a dream. maybe juyeon wanted revenge because of what happen during flower snack and decided to prank him and all of them were in on this, but as the silent stretches, he was forced to believe that this was all true.

"so you would be having a surgery in three weeks?" a nod. "and chemotherapy after?" another nod. "ok then, this is how we are going to do it. no one, except for your family and members are going to know about this. your manager will send you and pick you up from your treatment since i would be more relief that way. for the promotions, the others will continue as planned and for you, we will release a statement of you taking a hiatus."

he just nods, too numb to even respond properly. it was silent for a while and then his manager hold his hand, bringing him out of the ceo's office and back to the van. luckily, they didn't encounter anyone on the way down. his manager brought him back to the dorms, telling him to rest and left him alone in the living room.

he went into his room and sat on his bed, phone in his hands, shakily dialing his mom's number. the conversation was basically an hour long of his mom crying, his dad asking if he needs them to be there. all he could reply was 'i'm fine', 'no there's no need to', 'i'll call you back when the surgery's date been confirmed' and it ends there.

being left alone with only his thoughts to accompany him in the silent, he starts over-thinking of the absolute worst outcome. what if he dies? what will happen to the group? the comeback's in a few days. what if he has to leave the group because his condition got worse? these kind of thoughts linger in his mind and even though he wants them to stop, they just stayed like a parasite.

he didn't know how long he sat there, wallowing in his misery when he heard the passcode to the door being keyed in. the usual boisterous laughter that would occur when they arrived has been replaced with an unusual silence. he went out of his room, seeing every one of them shuffling into the living room, stepping out of their shoes and setting their bags down.

"who told you guys?" he asked, joining them on the couch. he wasn't mad, just resigned. he was a little bit relieved to say the least, not having plan on what to say to the others earlier. "manager hyung said something's wrong but he didn't say what and told us to ask you." jacob explained, eyes looking at him with concern. "i have brain cancer." a beat of silence and suddenly everyone's talking over each other.

"wait, what?"

"is that why you've been having migraines often?"

"is it curable?"

"what are you going to do?"

"it's a joke right?"

"what about promotions?" that coming out of eric's mouth got him a slap on the arm from hyunjae.

"you guys are going to continue promotions without me, and i'll be having a surgery in three weeks. there's going to be chemo too." he said quietly. now that he's saying this out loud to the others that it feels real and he knows he should accept it by now, but somehow he still wants to deny reality. "you have to get chemo too?" chanhee asked and before he could reply there's already exclamations and disbelief reactions.

"it's fine," he cuts them off, looking down to avoid making eye contact, afraid that he would breakdown. he tightly clasp his hands, hoping they wouldn't notice him trembling. "the doctor said they can remove it with surgery. that's good news. they will do the surgery and i'll be as healthy as i am before. everything's going to be fine." even though he's saying it to the others, he knows it's just to convinced himself.

a hand was placed on top of his and he looks up to see sunwoo's teary eyes looking back at him. "hyung," came sunwoo's voice, wavering and that's all it took for sangyeon's tough composure to break. he felt sunwoo's hands circle around his waist and brought him closer, and he sobs into sunwoo's chest. he could feel nine more boys hugging him and different from his turmoil earlier, he found solace in the comfort of the boys he called family.

||

three weeks later, sangyeon found himself in the hospital, lying down on the bed waiting for his surgery with his parents and his sister beside him. the members almost put up a fight with the manager to cancel their schedule for today just to accompany him but he barely managed to convinced them that they can visit after the surgery ends. 

to say he was nervous was an understatement. he was absolutely terrified, thinking of the worst possibilities that could happen while he was in surgery. unfortunately or fortunately, he really doesn't know at this point, the nurse came in to inform that he's ready to go into the operating room. while he was wheeled towards the operating room, his father gave him pep talks and he has to admit that made him felt a little calm. 

being in the room was more nerve wrecking than he thought, all he could smell was antiseptic. a nurse ㅡ he thinks ㅡ approached him and told him that she's going to give him general anesthesia. she put a breathing mask that covered his mouth and nose and told him to breath in deeply and that's exactly what he did. he instantly felt sleepy and after a few seconds, he's knocked unconscious.

||

sangyeon woke up to bright light blinding his eyes and he almost thought something did went wrong during the surgery and he's now dead, well almost, if it wasn't for him noticing haknyeon who was beside him, hands folded on the bed and face buried in it. thanks to him getting a vip ward, all of them fit in the room.

he sat up slowly and kevin ㅡ who was the only one not sleeping ㅡ saw him and exclaimed a loud 'hyung', managing to wake every one of them up. he was surrounded and bombarded with questions, and it was only when he clutches his head that they stopped. he could feel someone putting their hands on his shoulder, and he identifies it as younghoon when he starts speaking.

"hyung, are you okay? should i call the doctor?" he shake his head, telling them that he just need a minute. after he had recovered from the sudden vertigo, he looked up to see all of them focusing on him and he's pretty sure he's getting red with all the attention they're giving him. "how are you feeling now hyung?" juyeon asked and he smiled before replying.

"pretty fine, i think. i don't feel anything out of the ordinary for now." and really, he hopes it stayed that way. it was then he had a sudden realization and he hurriedly touch his scalp, only to feel skin. "wait, am i bald?" and by looking at the others face looking like they're holding back their laughter, he buries his face in his hands, grunting out loud.

"don't worry hyung, you still look good."

"yeah hyung, you have a nice head shape."

he wants to retort and tell them to stop teasing him when the door to his room was slid opened and he saw their manager standing at the door, telling them they have to go for pre-recording. most of them whined, saying that they wanted to stay with him longer but eventually relented, saying their 'bye's' to him.

kevin did stayed back, giving him a small paper bag. "your parents asked me to bring some." and he's out the door. he look in the paper bag to see a few beanie's from different members and he chuckled, a little smile plastered on his face. not even five minutes had passed and the door opened yet again to reveal the doctor with a chart in his hand.

the doctor greets him, asking him the usual questions, whether he's fine or if he's feeling unusual. "you'll be staying here for a week but if we deemed you healthy enough then you could be discharge earlier." the doctor explained and he nods. "thank you doctor jung." he said and the doctor just replied with a smile, telling him to press the call button if he need anything and closed the door.

||

it has been a little bit over a week since he has been discharged and now, tuesday had arrived, and with it comes chemo. it was pretty fine while doing the treatment and it took about two hours. it was pretty cold in the infusion room and he was thankful the members were mindful enough to pack a warm blanket for him.

he was pretty fine after, maybe a little tired but fine. he was brought to the company ㅡ per his request as he felt that he shouldn't stay in the dorm alone ㅡ and head straight for the practice room. he pushed open the door, seeing the others practicing since they have to prepare for an event tomorrow.

he quietly goes in, closing the door behind him and sat down on the floor, leaning his back on the wall behind him. the others still haven't notice him yet and he giggles quietly, paying attention to the members. it was after they finish their second round of "perfecting the choreography" ㅡ as changmin had put it ㅡ is when they noticed him.

a choruses of cheery 'hyung' is what he heard before he was enveloped in a group hug, ㅡ since that's what they seem to do often these days ㅡ and he felt warmth blooming in his chest. "how did it went?" hyunjae asked and he nod before saying, "it went well. i'm pretty fine, for now at least." the doctor did tell him that he might feel dizzy and nauseous about a few hours after as the anti-nausea medicine they gave him might wear off.

he stayed with the others until they've finished practicing, going back to the dorm together. sangyeon immediately took a shower first and bid them goodnight, going into his shared room with jacob and lay down on the bed. as exhaustion settled in him, it didn't took him too long to get sleepy and he found himself falling asleep a few minutes later.

||

it was about eight in the morning when sangyeon woke up, going out of the room to see the dorm empty. he remembered about the schedule the others needed to attend and so he just went to the kitchen, seeing a note on the table. he pick up the note that was written by chanhee saying that he made some vegetable soup for him and it's in the pot, also to heat it up before eating.

he smiled, heading towards the said pot and found it still warm indicating that they just left not too long ago. he scoop a little portion in a bowl and decided to sit in the living room. he snap a picture before eating, all the while sending the picture to their group's chat room, thanking chanhee for the soup. 

he managed to finish the soup, albeit the amount of time his throat wants to push back the soup out. he just spent his time alone cleaning the dorm ㅡ even though it's not that messy ㅡ, replying to the members messages, watching drama and variety reruns and lying down on the bed, managing to take a nap for about an hour.

his parents also visited him, bringing his two nephew with them to accompany him. he had a fun time, even though he couldn't play with them much as he used to since he got tired easily. without him noticing, five hours had passed and it's already ten at night. his parents bid him goodbye and told him to take care of himself and call them if he need anything.

that was thirty minutes ago, now, he decided to camp in the toilet, bringing about four blankets with him after he broke out into a cold sweat and hadn't stopped vomiting. he concluded that chemotherapy is shitty and throwing up is not his favorite thing. he had been puking out his guts for three times now and he could still feel bile rising up his pharynx.

he heard the noisy chatter invading the just seconds ago quiet space and changmin, he guesses, calling out 'hyung'. he doesn't even have the energy to call out to them so he just stay quiet, knowing they are gonna found him sooner or later anyway. that was how eric found him, curled up in the toilet with layers of blanket on top of him, drench with sweat.

"sangyeon hyung!" he shouted and sangyeon closed his eyes, head pounding at the sudden loud noise. when he opened his eyes, ten pair of eyes were looking at him, five of them crowding in the already small bathroom. "can all of you not crowd in here?" he croaks in a raspy voice, dry from not having a drop of water. one by one, they went out of the bathroom and only hyunjae and jacob was left. 

"do you need anything?" jacob asked in his soft voice, making his headache lessen. "water, maybe, and crackers." he said sleepily, eyes half-closing. jacob went to out to take it for him and hyunjae crouch down in front of him, patting his head that was covered by a beanie. jacob came back with a pack of crackers and a glass of water in his hands, handing him the water first.

he sip the water a little and when he doesn't feel like throwing it up, he down the whole glass. grabbing the cracker from jacob, he took baby bites of it, gagging at how it tastes and how dry it feels. he ended up finishing it due to jacob and hyunjae's 'a little bit more' persuasion. since he doesn't feel like throwing up another round, he stood up and decided to go to bed.

hyunjae and jacob helped him to bed, given that his legs were wobbly and he couldn't walk on his own. his eyes slowly closes and he soon drifts off to dreamland.

||

that was how he spent the whole six months of therapy. two therapy in a week, rest for about 3 weeks and repeat in a span of six months. going in and out of the bathroom and just plopping on the floor anywhere in the dorm. he's sorry to the others, being a burden and a nuisance was always in his mind, but ever since that one day he broke down in front of them and told them his thoughts, they never forgot to remind him that he's not.

his hair thankfully does grow back a little, even though it also sheds off in the same amount it grows but he tries not to think about it that much. today is finally the day he would know whether the surgery and therapy paid off. he's excited and hyper to say the least, fidgety and can't stay still. since the others can't accompany him, they just send their 'good luck's'.

he was now in front of the doctor's room, feeling like the first time he was here, heart beating fast and hands sweaty. when the nurse called out his name he stood up, his manager sending him an encouraging smile and he went into the doctor's office, sitting down on the chair. the doctor smiled brightly at him and he could already tell it would be good news.

"congratulations, you're now cancer-free." his brain was slightly slow on catching what the doctor was saying but when he registered it, he broke down in tears, hands taking the tissue the doctor was handing him. he could barely hear what the doctor was explaining after, his head was full of thoughts of the members and his parents.

when he went out of the doctor's office, he saw his manager nervously bouncing his leg, tapping his nails on the seat beside him. he immediately went up to the manager and pulled him up, hugging him tight. "it's over, i no longer have cancer." he looked at his manager who eyes had gotten teary and once again hug each other in the empty hallway.

when he return back to the dorm, he saw all ten of them gathered in the living room, looking at him as soon as he enter their vision. he could tell all of them are nervous, and he had the slight idea of pranking them but thought against it, too happy to tell them the good news. "it's gone. i don't have cancer anymore." and the smiled that bloom on their faces, sangyeon would never forget it.

they surround him in a group hug and in a span of seven months, this is the first genuine smile he had plastered on his face.

||

it's been five months and today is the day he would finally be able to stand on stage again. the company insist on him resting to gain back his energy and to let his hair grow, which thankfully had turn into a full hair thanks to the stylist who had recommended an essential oil for fast hair growth. 

he looks at himself in the mirror, dressed in their stage outfit, makeup and hair done gorgeously and he realized just how much he missed this after being on hiatus for a year. the members tap on his shoulder every time they pass by him and he just gave them a bright smile, can't hide how excited he is to be on a stage after a long time.

they went out of the waiting room and onto the stage, waiting for the camera director to adjust the cameras. "you are really fine, right?" he heard kevin asked and he looked back to see concern clouding his face. "yes i'm fine. great even." he replied, gripping kevin's hand to assure him. "okay, if you say so." kevin replied and went off to jacob who was fixing his mic. 

"the boyz, you're on in five." they heard the director said and they huddle in the center, ready for their ritual group cheer. "ready?" he looked at each of their faces and all of them had a smiled on their face, some nodding and some replying 'yes'. 

"the boyz, get it? got it!"

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this, please leave kudos


End file.
